Tuesday, April 22, 2008
To Friend or Not to Friend?
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“My mom asked me to make her [a Facebook page] the other day!” a high school senior told me recently. “I obviously said no cause that would be so weird! Parents can’t have Facebook!”
I’ve heard this before. Ever since September 2006, when Facebook opened membership to anyone with a valid email address, dozens of teens have told me how uncomfortable they are with Mom or Dad joining - never mind aunts, uncles, or God forbid grandparents. Nosy relatives, they fear, will violate their space.
This modern culture clash has been addressed by the New York Times, the Huffington Post and others, usually from the adult point of view.
At the same time, many adults have told me they’re baffled by the Friend Requests in their inboxes. Why waste the time? What are the benefits? And who wants to learn that Gen. Y technology?! A pointless (and juvenile) time-suck, they’ve grumbled. (Perhaps they’ve heard of applications like Boozemail where you send virtual cocktails to friends, or Hatchmail where you send virtual surprise gifts that “hatch” over time…don’t ask).
My mother is one of these skeptics. “Isn’t Googling them easier?” she asks. Plus, she wonders, who she would “friend” anyway: Me? My sister?
At 27, close enough to relate to both age groups, I can see both sides. I joined Facebook in 2004, the year it launched. Back then, Facebook’s appeal was its youth, edge, and exclusivity.
But that was then, the beginning of the revolution, the heyday of the Early Adopter. Today, Facebook has more than 70 million active users around the world. Over half of them are out of college, and the over 25 year olds comprise its largest growing demographic. Today, Facebook’s appeal is its size, ease and that “everyone’s” on it.
The most striking thing I have found in researching social media trends is that these two groups use online social networks in very different but revealing ways. Teens tend to use it more for self-expression and keeping tabs on friends, whereas adults use it to reach out to friends and acquaintances for social and career reasons. Of course, people in such different stages of life socialize in very different ways. But the critical thing for both kids and parents to understand is that people’s behavior online is reflective of their experience online - users 30 are more apt to use the web to “get something.” Teens and twenty somethings are used to hanging out online, opening up and sharing personal information.
I believe those behaviors are different enough that both should be able to play in the Facebook playground without stepping on each other’s toes.
I moved to Manhattan last year, and I still meet new people every day – in the elevator, waiting for the subway, at parties. Remarkably often, one of the first questions is Are you on Facebook? Yes? OK, I’ll friend you tomorrow. I have connected with dozens of friends, writers, and professional contacts this way. My coauthor and I even publicized our book on Facebook.
Of course social networking isn’t for everyone. My sister-in-law joined Facebook at the insistence of a friend, but she’s been unimpressed so far. She’s busy with three young kids and doesn’t have the time (or interest) in logging on all the time. It may not be for you, either. But there’s room if you want in.
New parents for example, are finding practical ways to use the site. They reach out to former coworkers, staying in touch even if they’re staying-at-home. They share photos with friends they haven’t seen since grade school, and trade recipes with strangers (or new “friends” who also have babies. There is even a custom application on Facebook called “I am Mom” Their pitch: “Moms everywhere, Unite!” Parent-friendly applications like Baby & Pregnancy Countdown Ticker (a virtual T-10 to delivery) and Babybook (an online scrapbook you can share) would equally horrify my teenage friends.
Here are a few reasons why Facebook might be worth your time, if you’re not already on it:
1. Creating a profile page is actually a challenging and enjoyable exercise. It makes one think about one’s significance in life.
2. Receiving a note from someone far in your past feels amazing.
3. It only takes as much time as you want to give it.
4. You never know who might look you up. Do you really want to miss him? Or her?
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