Misstropolis

Friday, August 08, 2008

Phantom Online Friendships

by Ann Luongo

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A little over two years ago something very surprising happened to me. It started with a movie my kids begged me to buy - not Spiderman III or Superbad - but Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera. I had no idea then what amazing bonus features I’d discover in that dvd.

As we watched the movie, I grew more and more curious about the actor playing the Phantom. Who was he? Why hadn’t I seen him before? What was his name?

Gerard Butler the credits told me. Gerard Butler? Immediately, I Googled him.

Like a good phantom, he yielded thousands of results. Known as a guy who has women falling at his feet but who remains a gentleman, Gerard Butler I learned, was a leading man on the rise. The star, along with Thandie Newton, Jeremy Piven and Ludacris, of Guy Ritchie’s new film, RocknRolla slated for release on October 10th; King Leonidas in 300; Dracula in Dracula 2000; Attila in Attila the Hun and thankfully in development on a romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl called The Ugly Truth.

Out of curiosity I clicked on Google’s second link - gerardbutler.net, the “officially unofficial Gerry Butler Web Source!” (exclamation point their own). It was a fan club. Great. But thinking the fan-girls might be entertaining or perhaps even worthy of an article, I started reading the forum.

And then the most bizarre thing happened. The more I read, the more I liked it… and the more I liked them. I realized the “fan-girls” were actually incredibly interesting, smart women. They came from all walks of life - businesswomen, writers, teachers, stay-at-home moms, retirees, students working toward their degrees - and happened to meet on the site because of a common interest. Before I could say Andrew Lloyd Webber, I became a member too.

“It’s been a big part of my life,“ said Marg Jorgensen, 71, of Rockaway, NJ. “When I first joined, they were organizing a trip to Scotland. I didn’t know anyone, but I began talking to one of the ladies on a regular basis, and we decided to go and share a room.” Jorgensen, who is a retired art teacher, had never joined an online club before, and said she believes in thinking outside the box and taking chances on finding new interests. She joined GerardButler.net similarly after watching the same movie, and hasn’t looked back.

“Never in a million years had I expected to make friends there,” she said. “The ladies are so funny and clever.” Not only has she made friends, but she’s learned new skills as well. “I decided to pick up a Photoshop package and I started playing with it. I’ve also been making videos and slideshows… It’s amazing, I enjoy it so much.”

Carolyn Firestone, a producer of WBZ Radio’s Women’s Watch, was also surprised to make connections on the website. She had interviewed Butler just prior to the time his blockbuster movie, 300, hit theaters and provided the four-part interview to the website. She was as stunned as anyone to find online connections.

“I was really surprised at how nice everyone was,” she said. “I thought I would just come and go and that would be it. I’d spent some time researching the site to get a feel for it, and then I felt I’d gotten to know some of the women through their posts. It’s the only site I felt comfortable with.”

Susan Webster, a medical transcriptionist from Dedham admits she never expected to make good friends online. “I don’t have tremendous self-confidence, and wondered how I’d be accepted.” The connections she’s made have boosted her self-confidence in ways she never expected, such as a series of children’s books that she hopes to publish one day. Webster is also a member of an online forum for gastric bypass support. She had her surgery in 2007 and says talking to others has helped in her recovery. “You realize you’re not alone...”

Annielee, 63, (who prefers to go by her screen name) is a grandmother with a degree in psychology. She said she was “flabbergasted” at the idea of making friends online. “If you’d asked me two and a half years ago, I’d have said there was no way would I ever do that, [But] it’s such a great place, full of bright, interesting, thoughtful people,” that she is now a proponent of online friendships. She’s also found creative inspiration through her new online friendships.

“I hadn’t written anything but genealogy for years,” she said. “Then I started writing limericks (on a sub-forum on the website) and I’d be washing dishes or taking a shower and lines of poetry would jump into my head. So I sat down and started writing them down.” She has since created her own poetry blog and taught herself how to create graphics.

“I’ve always wanted to be an artist,” she said. “This gave me an outlet for that artistic urge.”

With all of the warnings of online predators and the dangers of the Internet, it may be difficult to wrap your head around the idea of talking to strangers online. Before joining an online community, research for as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable and get a feel for the types of people there. No matter what you’re particular interests might be, however, there is a place for you to connect with others who share your interest and the rewards can be huge.

For me, I’ve been rewarded by widening my circle and daring to become involved in something larger than myself. As a result, I’ve traveled to new places for club events, participated in fund raisers (GerardButler.Net has raised over $270,000 for a variety of charities.) and met people from all over the world.

To my great surprise I’ve made friendships that I hope to have for life and most importantly, I’ve become a happier person because of them.