Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Ask not what you can do for yourself…
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Resolutions are overrated. They are born of holiday excess, and often aspire to achieve nothing more than getting back to the place we were before. Lose the 10 pounds we have gained since Halloween, get organized to undo the post-family visit disaster our home has become, save more and spend less so we can make up for the financial damage we have done over the holidays – familiar refrains, so easily abandoned.
The best inner moments I had this season hit me very unexpectedly and came from two complete strangers. Look around you very carefully and see if you might be lucky enough to find some opportunities to express kindness and gratitude in simple ways, if you’re anything like me it might help you reframe the whole concept of resolutions.
Before Christmas I was returning to my car after acquiring yet more materialistic baubles when I noticed an older woman struggling to push a shopping cart through the slush at a crosswalk. As I helped her get the cart out of the road and on the sidewalk she proudly told me she came up with the idea of using the cart as a walker after realizing that she wasn’t steady enough to walk any further and carry her packages and purse. She had gone to the bookstore to purchase a holiday gift - books for a 12 year old relative whom she held very dear. I hope that the lucky recipient has an inkling of what went into procuring her presents.
How could I not accompany her to her car? I don’t live close enough to my parents to help them with errands like that, but I hope that there are strangers out there performing random acts of kindness for them. Could we all participate in a small scale “pay it forward” scheme with helping the seniors we may know?
The next day I went to swim laps in a warm pool often used for rehabilitation purposes. In the lane next to me a physical therapist was working with a young man who was both paralyzed and an amputee. He wore a life preserver and was floating on his back as the therapist moved his arms over his head. Another swimmer entered the pool and asked to share my lane, taking the side closer to the therapist and her patient. He took off down the lane, slapping the water with his arms and kicking up a rooster tail with every stroke. Every time he neared the PT and her patient, she ducked and attempted to shield her patient from the water. I realized what was unpleasant for her must have been intolerable for him – having water randomly splashed in his face and being unable to do anything about it. I flagged down splashy and asked him to trade places with me. It wasn’t his intention to annoy or hurt someone – I think he was even grateful that I noticed and helped rectify the problem.
There are opportunities to reach out and help others at every moment - just start opening your eyes to them and be ready to act. Do so anonymously, do so for strangers you may never see again, and do so with no expectations of recognition or gratitude. You’ll feel so good, whether or not you lose the holiday ten .
Comments
Susan,
Wonderful, wonderful article. So beautifully put. Thank you for reminding us all to keep our eyes open to those around us.
Susan, I love this article and your suggestions. We all struggle with how to go about making any kind of what feels like a real difference in this scary world of ours, and it’s so easy to forget that a small, individual connection is often the most meaningful. Your encounters were a moving, timely reminder to open the heart and mind to a greater awareness of life going on around us in its’ minute rhythms. Also, thank you Misstropolis for allowing me to get to know Susan the wonderful writer, as I’ve only had the privilege of knowing Susan the terrific Pilates instructor. Author or instructor-she totally rocks!
Annie and Deb - Thanks so much for reading and for being kindred spirits. Keep the chain going and let us know of any encounters of the spiritual kind.
This was wonderful to read. This morning I noticed an older man waiting outside of Starbucks. I clenched up thinking he was going to ask me for money. He didn’t, he was just waiting w/ an empty cup in his hand. I forgot about him the minute I got indoors. The man ahead of me ordered two drinks. We happened to walk out together. He walked over to the older man and gave him his drink. He said he’s sorry he didn’t have any change, but had asked the man what he wanted for a drink...apple juice.
And I walked away thinking--why didn’t I do that?
Naz - thanks for reading. There is always tomorrow if he is there again or someone else in need might just crop up in his place.
Susan. Wonderful. Thank you thank you for this. Being a physical therapist, I loved hearing of the one in the pool being carefully protective. I’ve been thinking about these simple, almost effortlessly things we can do lately. One of my patients shattered her ankle on her honeymoon and just underwent her second surgery. She is in a immobilizer from her foot to her knee, is unable to to put weight through the leg, and has to get to/fro work on the commuter rail. Despite her boot and crutches, she says people rarely offer her their seats, and she stands for 45 min!! SHe’s not a complainer at all, so I know she’s not exaggerating. We need more people thinking like you! Marty
It is unreal how people could let someone in that situation stand there. It it self-absorbtion or bad manners or what? But I know there are others out there like you that are ready to jump in—whether to advocate for a patient or simply as a neighbor or friend.
I have also wondered about veterans’ access to PT. In the case of the man at the pool I assumed that he was a veteran because of the kind of injuries he had. How do people continue to get the treatment they need when they leave the hospital? Is it covered by insurance? If you have anything to add about this I would love to know.
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