Tuesday, May 29, 2007
When Mom’s Happy…
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“Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion…What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.“ Anna Quindlen
Are you a stressed-out mom? Do you wonder about the wisdom of helicopter parenting,” yet worry about whether your kids - and you - can keep up with everyone else?
How often have you said, or heard other mothers say, “It’s crazy, life is so crazy! Why is everything so exhausting? Why am I so busy?” And how often do you hear “I got everything done that I wanted to do this week. Everything went just the way I planned. I feel so on top of it all!”? The truth is that feelings of accomplishment are all too elusive. We are our own harshest critics.
So, you are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion… do you think you might be guilty of perfectionism? See if you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself:
* Whenever you make a mistake, you beat yourself up
* Asking for help feels like a sign of weakness
* You hate to think someone else is doing better than you are
* Even though you don’t want to, you find fault with your husband, kids or friends more often than you think is normal
* Other people’s demands on you seem overwhelming, yet you don’t want to disappoint them
* You have a constant feeling of failure at your most important calling: being a mother
Numerous psychological studies identify direct links between perfectionism and dysfunction. “Achievement acts as an insulation against physical illness,” notes Dr. J. Clayton Lafferty, a researcher on the psychology of achievement, “while perfectionism seems almost to conduct it.” Is having high standards really so bad, or has the quest to maintain them metamorphosized into the Ironman of Mothering: perfect house, perfect self, perfect children?
We’re three mothers - with ten kids between us, from toddlers to teenagers - writing a book about modern motherhood. We think women who renounce the myth of perfectionism and choose to embrace all aspects of their lives will become more fulfilled, happier mothers.
Check out our blog and let us know what you think! We’ve been talking to mothers all over America and abroad to figure out some solutions to this stressed-out situation… Sign up for our bi-monthly newsletter for insights and updates.
We have gleaned so much from the women we have spoken to and want to share what we have gathered thus far: Set goals that are based on your own standards and have the inner confidence to adhere to them. Seize the day – slowly and calmly – and commit to appreciating the process of running your life, not just arriving at the destination. When you experience disappointment or a setback, don’t allow criticisms to diminish your feelings of self worth—recognize effort, be tolerant of human limitations and accept the idea of “Good Enough.”
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