Misstropolis

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Just Another Goodbye

by Maxine Effenson Chuck

Email to a friendPrint this article

For the past five years, about a month before my daughter, Jen, was about to leave for ‘Camp-Cost-A-Lot,’ as my husband calls it, I would start getting maudlin. I would begin hugging her as she walked by me and tell her how much I was going to miss her. She’s 14 now, so you can imagine how much she enjoys this. In a few days she’ll be leaving again; the hugs have started and I’m getting morose. Jen hates that. So do I. But this time, it’s worse. Instead of putting her on a bus heading to New Hampshire, I’m putting her on a plane to Vegas!

She’s flying cross-country, where she’ll join a teen tour and go hiking, rock climbing, surfing, white water rafting and gambling. Well, maybe not gambling, but one of their stops is Las Vegas, where they will stay at Circus Circus one night and ride an indoor roller coaster.

As I moan about her leaving, Jen has been protesting, “But mom, I usually go away for eight weeks. This time it’s only 26 days!” Which is true; but I’m just not good with goodbyes.

Years ago, when my stepdaughter, Elizabeth, used to leave for her Y-Camp for a month, I was the one running next to the bus, holding Jen, then in pre-school, and crying. When I had to leave Elizabeth at tennis camp for a week, where she was apprehensive and intimidated, I felt sick. And when we left her at college for the first time - it was complete and utter misery.

Will this ever stop? And what, exactly, is this about? Many people with teenagers cannot wait to send them off for the summer and have the freedom of not worrying about where they are, where they are going and what they might be doing. I’m just not one of them.

Is this about the girls getting older?  Or about me getting older? Seeing my children become independent? Or just less dependent on me?  I used to be afraid they’d get homesick. Now I wonder if they are just sick of home. Then there is always the nagging fear that they’ll get hurt; but I think I’ll always worry about that.

I understand that goodbyes herald change, and I know that whenever kids leave, they come home a little older and a little wiser. But deep down inside I also know that the little goodbyes lead to the big goodbyes - like when Elizabeth moved cross-country just a week after she graduated from college to start her career. And three years later, with her career flourishing, bought a condo in Seattle.

We still have four more years until Jen graduates from high school, so she’s not going too far away any time soon. But those next big goodbyes are coming. And when she gets on that plane July 1st, she’ll be one step closer and one step further away.