And who am I - a forgetful, neurotic, day-dreaming, self conscious, chronic dieting, hate my fat ass, “out-of-the-box” creative artist, wife, and mother (translation: an adult woman with ADHD) who’ll given a chance, would compete for a gold medal in obsessing over things I can’t control.

Luckily, 10 mg of Ritalin helps me with the forgetful part, but only between the hours of 9:00 to 3:00. After that, I return to my daydreaming, multiple-silent-conversations-with-myself, forgot-what-I went-to-the-pantry-for, oops-I-burnt-dinner-again-because-I-got-sidetracked-on-another-project…self. I also have an 10-year old son with ADHD, a 7-year old who in addition to ADHD, is sprinkled with Asperger’s, and a husband who, well, who’d rather I didn’t say. Together we live in something of a zany comic strip and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

May, 2007 – Today it dawned on me: I’m turning 40 in eight months. Holy shit!

And who am I - a forgetful, neurotic, day-dreaming, self conscious, chronic dieting, hate my fat ass, “out-of-the-box” creative artist, wife, and mother (translation: an adult woman with ADHD) who, given a chance, would compete for a gold medal in obsessing over things I can’t control. Holy shit.

Luckily, 10 mg of Ritalin helps me with the forgetful part, but only between the hours of 9:00 to 3:00. After that, I return to my daydreaming, multiple-silent-conversations-with-myself, forgot-what-I went-to-the-pantry-for, oops-I-burnt-dinner-again-because-I-got-sidetracked-on-another-project… self. I also have an 10-year old son with ADHD, a 7-year old who in addition to ADHD, is sprinkled with Asperger’s, and a husband who, well, who deals with us all. Together we live in something of a zany comic strip and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But still 40 terrifies me. I decide finally, to take control.

I announce my solemn vow to be 40 and fabulous, NOT 40 and flabby. I call Weight Watchers and weigh in at 127lbs. That’s not so bad, I think. Forget about 40 and Fabulous… Only ten pounds less and I’ll be 40 and FERGALICIOUS.

June – I’ve gained 3 pounds (now 130lbs) cause I’m not counting all the bites, licks, and tastes. Quit Weight Watchers, and after seeing a Nutri System commercial, decide that’s the way to go.

July – Thanks to Nutri System, I’ve been farting something fierce. I swear to eat only salads, and hire an ex Marine as a personal trainer to whip my ass into shape.

August – I’ve gained three more pounds (now 133 lbs) but how? I evaluate the situation: spending the summer at the beach house with multiple family members, every night is a party - cocktails and apps on the deck. I tell myself, and everyone around me, that I’m putting the stinky cheese out for my husband. Each evening at least five hunks spontaneously leap into my mouth. The relatives rarely sit down for dinner before 9:00pm; full from appetizers, I eat a big plate of food anyway. Just when I think it’s over, Aunt Ruth enters the dining room with five vats of frozen yogurt. I persuade myself, Yogurt is healthy, and indulge some more.

September - Home and ready to get into a normal eating routine. HA! Rejoin Weight Watchers and quit after a week. There’s no questioning my ADHD. Start working out with a trainer, named Jo, who looks like Barbie with a tan. Loose 3 pounds (now 130lbs), and convince myself that if I work out hard enough, I can look like Barbie with a tan too. I leave the gym in pain twice a week, and take up boxing once a week with Frankie D, Jo’s boss, who dances in front of the wall-to-wall mirrors. The thing about wall-to-wall mirrors is: no matter where I go… there I am. There’s no way to hide my fat ass, everyone else in the gym can see it too.

October - Three months to go until the big 40. I spend four weeks trying not to eat Halloween candy. Continue working out with Jo on Mondays and Wednesdays, and beating the crap out of Frankie D on Fridays. I start dancing in front of the wall-to-wall mirrors too. I loose three more pounds (now 127lbs) and realize I’m back where I started in May! I come to see that time is of the essence, and secretly start researching lipo suction - a 40th birthday present? Jo tells me a nightmare story about a friend who did lipo and gained the fat back in weird places- only to end up looking like the Michelin Man. I abort the lipo fantasy.

November - We visit my brother in Tennessee for Thanksgiving. All bets are off. Gain three pounds (now 130lbs) and spend the rest of the month researching Michael Thurmond’s “Six Week Spa Body Makeover,” in Santa Monica, California. There’s a small complication with this brilliant plan… I live in Massachusetts, and I’m married with two kids. Hmmm, I think, I could do it over the summer and manipulate my sister into doing it with me. She lives in California. My kids can move in with hers (her husband won’t mind). Get teary-eyed when I think about not seeing Hal and kids for that long. Drop the Six Week Spa dream and reconsider the lipo-scenario, but only for a few minutes.

December – One month to go. Still working out with Jo and beating the crap out of Frankie D. I don’t lose a damn thing.

January, 2008 – Still the same fucking weight. Christmas and New Years didn’t help… neither did Jenny Craig. I complain about my weight to my friend Rebecca, explaining (in psychotic detail) my eight-month effort to become FERGALICIOUS. Rebecca says, “From what I can tell you’ve never been happy with the way you look. It’s not like you’re going to wake up one day and have a different body. Why don’t you just learn to love the one you have?”

I both hate and love her for saying that. The love outweighs the hate. “Can’t you see?” Rebecca continues, “You’re already FERGALICIOUS!”

The next morning, I’m 40! The day starts as usual. I put on a pot of coffee and wake up my son. He eats breakfast, and heads off to school with my husband. Then I wake up my other son, start his breakfast, pull out my giant multi vitamin and his 27mg’s of ADHD meds. I swallow his pill by mistake.

And life stops for a moment.

I freeze. I panic. I knew turning 40 was going to be a life-altering event, but not so literally mind-altering. I shout, “Shit, shit, fuck, fuck!”
My son says, “You’re not going to have a happy birthday if you talk like that.”

My life is flashing before my eyes. Sprint to the bathroom and try to remember how I made myself throw up as a bulimic teenager. After several failed attempts, I remember I was only a bulimic wannabe. I call my doctor’s emergency line and get the nurse on the phone.

She says, “What are you so scared of? Don’t you take meds for ADHD too?”

“Yes, but only a third of his dose!”

“Davina,” she barks, “if your eight year old can handle it, so can you. What are you, three times his weight?”

Doing the math: 55 lbs x 3 = 165 lbs… 165 lbs – 127 lbs = 35 lbs calms me down, until I realize the nurse thinks I’m fatter than I am! “I am only twice his weight… Plus 17 lbs,” I say.

“Well, you’re not going to die you’re just going to be really focused,” she says smugly. I hang up the phone relieved, but just waiting for the inevitable heart attack.

So much for control. The good thing is… I forgot I was 40. It feels a lot like 39.

Milk builds strong bones, muscles, and teeth. We know this because the white-mustachioed celebrities have been telling us so for years. Yet new studies don’t support – and may even contradict – this seeming truism. Let the dry corn flakes stick to the roof of my mouth.

It all started hundreds of thousands of years ago. Back when modern humans first walked the African savannah, the only milk available came from human mothers (wild cattle were tough to catch and even tougher to milk). No adult drank milk until about 10,000 years ago with the advent of farming and animal domestication, and many people nowadays grow intolerant of lactose - a milk sugar - as they age. These people become bloated and gassy whenever they eat dairy, because the body produces less and less of the enzyme that breaks down the sugar. Our bodies don’t expect us to suckle past the first few years of life.

If a bloated belly were the only downside to drinking milk, we wouldn’t have much to worry about. But a few recent studies have found that people who drink lots of milk may have greater problems: cancer. A compilation of studies from 2006 found that women who consume an amount of lactose equivalent to 3 cups of milk a day are at a modestly increased risk of ovarian cancer, though the distinction was small. Another study showed that men who drank at least two glasses of milk per day had almost twice the prostate cancer risk as those who abstained from milk. Granted, these so-called “observational” studies are not precisely controlled trials comparing the cancer risk of milk-drinkers to milk-haters, but the findings should give pause to those who gulp an extra glassful to stave off osteoporosis.

Another supposed benefit of milk - weight loss - may also be fiction. Out of 49 rigorous randomized controlled trials on the subject, 41 showed no effect of milk or calcium supplementation on weight loss, while three showed weight gain and five showed weight loss. To add to the confusion, another study on thousands of Americans showed that depending on the type of dairy product, the ethnicity of the imbiber, and their gender, dairy can either increase or decrease risk of obesity. Go figure.

But, in the end, milk still builds strong bones, right? Also not so clear. Both the huge Nurses’ Health Study and Health Professionals Follow-up Study found that people who drank one glass of milk per week were at no greater risk of breaking a hip or forearm as those who drank 2+ glasses per week. And many other studies show similar results.

These studies are all still preliminary and aren’t conclusive enough yet to make broad recommendations, but the findings are fascinating in light of our culture’s focus on pushing milk, such as the Got Milk? ads (first sponsored by the California Milk Processor Board and then licensed to the National Milk Processor Board) and the 2005 USDA Dietary Guidelines that still recommend three cups a day of low- or non-fat milk for most people.

So are Oreos destined to live life sans a tall, milky mate? Americans still need enough calcium, along with vitamin D and load-bearing exercise, to prevent osteoporosis later in life. And some studies have shown that dairy products may lower risk of high blood pressure and colon cancer. But right now, some researchers, including those at the Harvard School of Public Health, say that no one really knows which source of calcium is best, and there’s no reason to believe other sources, like dark green, leafy vegetables, dried beans, salmon, or tofu, aren’t better than dairy. They say there’s no evidence supporting drinking more than one serving of milk a day along with a healthy diet packed with calcium from non-dairy sources. So keep feeding it to your kids, but, all you adults out there, shave the milk mustache.

For more information visit the Harvard School of Public Health website: http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/what-should-you-eat/calcium-and-milk/index.html

Big O is what we’ll call him. The courtship began when my pre-schooler was a toddler and my soon-to-be third grader was halfway through kindergarten winter. The strapping young Latino (31 at the time) reeked of sexuality – all muscles, tattoos, shaved head and machismo – and I was a goner from the start. 

The first touch was electrifying; the first kiss pulsating. The anticipation of our first time together was more than I could bear. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the night it finally happened would be a totally anti-climatic, non-climaxing event.

Big O is what we’ll call him. The courtship began when my pre-schooler was a toddler and my soon-to-be third grader was halfway through kindergarten . The strapping Latino reeked of sexuality – all muscles, tattoos, shaved head and machismo – I was a goner from the start.

I have always been a sucker for olive-skinned boys: my twenties were spent in delicious dalliances with Italian-born or Latino men. I would get sucked into an intoxicating vortex of food, culture, language and sexual gusto – something I could never find in the Jewish-American men I sporadically dated, mostly out of guilt to my brethren.

I never saw Big O outside of the Shop (not the real name, of course) donning his standard uniform – long shorts revealing smooth calves with respectable tattoos, rubber orange clogs, tee-shirts whose sleeves cut right into his toned biceps and a short, white apron tied around his waist. This is the way I gazed upon him every ten days or so for two years as he served me Humboldt Fog, Point Reyes Blue or Istara cheeses.

On the days he worked the oven, I stole glances through the wire cages that held the masterpieces his large hands had created – scones freckled with raisins; puffy rolls topped with parmesan and red pepper flakes; sourdough baguettes dressed in seeds and fennel – to where he worked. On these visits my little ones were always in tow. He sometimes asked them about their day and offered nibbles of warm, sweet dough. Even my children were giddy in his presence.

There were always smiles and few spoken words between us, and, a mutual attraction? I didn’t want to acknowledge it at the time for fear it would only harm me during the rapid demise of my marriage. But when my marriage did end and I’d had some time to heal, I sauntered into The Shop having shed 15 pounds of marriage fat with jeans Adriano Goldschmied had practically hand-painted on my body (later I would find out Big O’s weakness was the derrière) alone. I randomly gathered overpriced Italian fig jam, quince paste, a loaf of dark rye. Big O was at the register and there was no one behind me.

We smiled, exchanged niceties. He asked where my kids were and I gushed forth with a hasty declaration of my soon-to-be “Separated” status. He looked genuinely concerned, immediately asking how the kids were faring. I explained that this was the weekend we would tell them so even they didn’t know yet.

Three months later I was happily ensconced in new digs and an amiable custody agreement with my co-parent. I had not been with a man in any sense of the word for nearly three years – yes, that includes Mr. co-parent. I got up the nerve to visit the Shop and discreetly slip a business card on the cheese counter while he assisted a patron. He winked - hooked, or so I thought.

We met at a local pool hall on a Saturday night. He walked toward me and embraced me in a hug; it was the first time we touched, and my knees buckled. I felt like the schoolgirl I left behind on my ex’s doorstep.

We wined, dined, shot pool. Though I am a bit of a pool shark, I lost the first two games and found myself promising to hold up my end of the wager later – for every loss the loser sheds one piece of clothing. As I was wearing a mere four articles of clothing I was promising to be naked after only an hour. He merely has to disrobe his tee shirt. For all the seductive playing with balls and sticks I was surprised to see him let out a yawn.

I asked him about it flirtatiously and learned that he had risen at 3:00am for the baking shift as he does every Saturday, and today had missed his nap.  As a look of disappointment and concern crossed my face, he grabbed my ass, pulled me close and whispered “don’t worry, I have enough energy for you. “

At this point in the story I should mention that my co-parent was with the kids AT MY HOUSE. And that I actually had a curfew of 10:pm. The reason is that our family home (where co-parent has refused to move out) is for sale and the kids cannot sleep there for fear they would spot the seemingly spotlessness interior. On his nights, he stays with them at my house.

After my three-drink maximum Big O takes my keys and drives us to the house where he is house-sitting. High school moment #2. While he feeds the animals, I put on some sexy world music in the funky, dimly lit sitting room and tell him to sit on the couch. I am ready to perform my first striptease as a newly separated mother of two. By the time I’m down to my panties and bra (lacy, maroon/white matching set, thank God!) Big O can’t hold back and ravishes me on the couch…for a few minutes. He carries me to the bedroom and throws me down.

You might want to reread that part. Key words here are “he carries me.” I certainly can’t remember that last time that happened to me and let me tell you, it was sublime.

And then - wham bam, thank you mom. I couldn’t believe it, was he rushing to meet my curfew or his? I didn’t care how early he had to work the next morning, he was practically de-virginizing me all over again and he wham bammed me?! His selflessness switch was definitely not turned on, and neither was I. I declined his invitation for a sleepover, despite a brief thought that his stamina might spike after a little shuteye.

He walked me to my car and I told him point blank what I wanted. I may have spent seven years working on my marriage but I wasn’t investing that kind of time on my Sexual Reawakening. Would he care to join me in a lovely relationship of Friends with Benefits? He would.

Cut then to phones unanswered, calls unreturned; or when we did speak, unconvincing assurances that our agreement would be honored. He was just so swamped with work. Blah, blah, blah. We’ve heard it all before.

Well, this self-proclaimed independent, sexually aware, no-strings-attached, formerly neglected mother was not going to beg, so I decided to erase Big O from my life – except for my visits to the Shop (which I will never give up, despite him) where I was all smiles when I saw him. I refused to fester or fume for too long, especially with all the olive skinned, tastefully tattooed fish in the sea.

One afternoon I found myself greeting Big O again through the wire as he brushed oil on hot, glistening bialies and he motioned for me to join him in the back. Stunned, I did as he asked and stood next to him by the hot oven. After a minute he asked me if I was free that night, adding that he was also free the next morning. No wink wink needed.

I couldn’t help but laugh, I even told him I’d erased his number - thank you No. Wink wink.

He followed me to my car and asked me again to take his number. I did, I don’t know why, but then ironically enough, my Blackberry erased the entry. I waved him over again, told him my phone dumped him and with a smile he walked away (is he leaving me a second time? I thought to myself irrationally) But he returned with a piece of paper. “Hold onto it this time, woman!” he uttered close to my ear. And I drove off, unsure whether I was more shaken by his forcefulness or by my desire to succumb to his command.

A lot has happened in the eight months since our tryst and a lot more will certainly happen in our next, should one occur. I am learning to not over-analyze situations between men and women - in the end we are all creatures looking for love. Some of us taste it and run, others stop and savor it and many, far too many, miss its charms for fear of making a fool of themselves. I don’t worry about that. Isn’t laughing at ourselves one of life’s greatest joys?

CRAZY playdate stories...we’ve all had them. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Please tell me something like this has happened to you…

My five year old daughter invited two friends from preschool over for a play date. It was the type of playdate one tries to avoid for as long as possible. I didn’t know the boys or the parents. They were from different towns and it seemed complicated. I’m a fan of the run-across-the-street get together. But after weeks of alternately endearing and maddening pleading, I caved and invited them over. Their moms dropped them off and we arranged to meet at their gymnastics class at noon. I promised lunch before gymnastics. 

We have a large yard with some woods and a stream, so my daughter and her friends, Sam and Jake, kept busy outside. Every now and then I would look out the window to ensure no one was being left out. After about an hour, my daughter and Jake came into the kitchen and asked for something to eat. I set them up with juice boxes and goldfish, made sure they washed their hands, noted Jake’s good manners. And then I realized Sam wasn’t with them. 

I asked the two five year olds, busy with their goldfish, where he was, and both said they thought he was coming in. I went out to call for him, struggling to remember his name and recalled grumpily why I stick to playdates with kids I know.

I called several times but Sam was nowhere in sight. The first thing that came to mind was the stream. It flows for about 200 yards and empties into a small pond. What if he couldn’t swim? I didn’t even know this kid. Why didn’t I stick to across the street playdates?

I ran down the path to the pond. No Sam. I somehow remembered that he wore glasses - so I began to panic that he had been looking into the pond and his glasses fell off, he went in after them and couldn’t get out. The pond is only about three feet deep in the deepest part, but I think it was a babysitter who once told me that it only takes a few inches. I continued to call for him, now with the assistance of my daughter and Jake. No Sam. I called my neighbor’s house, they hadn’t seen him either, but joined in the search.

Lunch was clearly out of the question. Would Sam ever make it to gymnastics? I didn’t know what to do, so I called my husband. He said to call the police right away and let the mom know what was going on. I was ok with the police, but call a woman who I don’t know and tell her that I lost her son in my yard?! My yard with a pond?

I called the police. Then I went outside and yelled “Sam! If you can hear me the police are on their way! Help will be here soon!” I was scared shitless. There was no reply. In minutes two cruisers were in my driveway and the officers were asking questions. In between questions they called for Sam.

Then he walked out from behind a tree. 25 yards away.

The relief barely masked my frustration. I forced calm when I asked him why he had been hiding. My daughter, Jake, the policemen - we all listened for his answer. “I wasn’t hiding.” he declared boldly. “The bad guys got my superpowers. So I couldn’t escape.”

As the cruiser pulled away, I wondered how they’d write that one up in the Police Log. I put the kids in the car, hungry, stripped of superpowers and very late for gymnastics.

Both moms were waiting for me when we arrived. “How was the play date?” they asked immediately. “Did you have fun?” The three kids all said yes as if they had been watching Sesame Street from a three person Barka lounger all morning. I was surprised, then impressed. Why bother. I nodded nonchalantly to the mothers. “Yes, we had a great time.”

Needless to say, neither child has been over since, nor has any other preschool pal who lives more than two miles away or belongs to parents I don’t know. And I still get the feeling when I bump into Sam or Jake’s mom at drop off or pick-up, that they avoid me in every possible way.

Who ever said that philanthropy was for rich, old, white guys? Sure, enormous checks written by men like Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are meaningful, but they give the impression that you have to be a corporate icon to make a difference in the world. And for nonprofit fundraisers seeking much-needed cash, the thought of one or two huge payloads make it hard to think outside the box.

But Kathy Lemay wants to turn that old paradigm on its head. She preaches a kind of fundraising for social change that can also embody social change - a more humanist approach that encourages people to connect over the issues they care about. And women are at the center of the action.

The vehicle for Lemay’s work is her three-year old consulting firm Raising Change based in Florence, Massachusetts, which works with nonprofits and philanthropists to build bridges between the two camps. Lemay remembers scratching her head when she first learned the “rules” of fundraising: Wear the right clothes. Remember the donors’ kid’s names (and ask about them). Then make the big pitch, keep quiet, and hope for the best.

“I hated it,” says Lemay, 38, who has worked in and around nonprofits for 15 years now. “It felt so odd, and not authentic at all.” Her interest in the nonprofit sector led her to organizations dedicated to issues such as AIDS, homelessness, and women’s human rights. These are crucial social issues, the kind that can inspire great emotion, and Lemay wondered why the conversation had to be so cold and scripted. “You’re not there to sell them dishwasher plugs or something. This is something we care about a lot. Why not have a conversation about that passion and see where it leads us?”

Lemay had that epiphany in her late 20s, when she was scheduled to meet a wealthy woman at the Four Seasons for breakfast. The potential donor arrived late and tried to unload her full-length fur coat on the young fundraiser; Lemay stuck up for herself. “I said, ‘I’m a huge animal rights activist, and it would bring me tears to take your coat. But if you’d like I can find someone to hang up both our coats.’” She had spontaneously strayed from the script. She didn’t just take the coat and keep her mouth shut. What would happen?

The potential donor stopped dead in her tracks and started crying; she admitted she was trying to impress Lemay, and uphold her husband’s ironclad (and presumably high-brow) reputation. Lemay joked that she was glad the tables hadn’t been turned - her coat was threadbare and being held together by duct tape. They both laughed.

And that was that. With the ice broken and no harm done, the two sat down to breakfast, and Lemay felt freed to have an open conversation with the woman. Instead of reciting a memorized pitch, Lemay talked about her passion for her organization’s work. “I said, I don’t know if our group is right for you, but let’s explore it.” It’s the same kind of approach she advises today.

Lemay promotes a similarly honest tack for philanthropists. She recites Teddy Roosevelt (“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”) when she urges every donor to search her conscience for the three social issues she cares about most - and then to set benchmarks for giving to each one. This keeps donors from feeling overwhelmed, but also pushes them to give to their full capacity. It’s part of a strategy personalized to each donor that she calls “generosity planning.”

Lemay’s enthusiastic belief that philanthropy is for everybody, not just the rich and the famous, is infectious. Philanthropy, she points out, is a state of mind, of wanting your contributions to society to be a part of your identity. “When folks say to me, ‘It’s not like small checks make a difference,’ I say, tell that to Greenpeace and the Humane Society,” says Lemay. “When a million people write $25 checks, that’s really significant. That’s social change.”

A longtime women’s rights activist, Lemay is hopeful about the role woman can play in affecting social change. From her own experience in the nonprofit sector, she’s observed that where men often favor a top-down approach to philanthropy, women want to get their hands dirty, building community from the ground up. They’ll ask questions: Have I made a difference? Has someone’s life been changed? Can I volunteer? And they’re eager to learn about the ripple effects of their work.

Women often write smaller checks to start, says Lemay, but once they’re sure they’ve hit it right, they “stretch” their giving. “I think that’s how you build something that lasts,” she says.

Ah, the joys of motherhood. Or rather, the joys of sex… Lately, I cannot tell the difference, I’ve found they actually can co-exist quite harmoniously much to most of my friends’ surprise. But then again, I have never been one who was ever not in the mood. Though married to a happily asexual man for over ten years, I was never the one to sheepishly mutter under my breath, “not in the mood tonight, darling,” as he so poetically did each and every time I asked.

So what is a newly single woman to do after fourteen years with aforementioned creature and two little ones under the age of nine?  I’ll tell you what she won’t do - settle… in bed, that is. Her single, never married friends will call her sluttish, her unhappily married friends will call her lucky and spoiled and her happily married friends (wait; does she even have any of those?) well, they’ll probably call her their hero.

And what will the single, never married, childless men, who fall victim to her charms, her Sexual Reawakening, think about it? Two comments overheard recently shed light on the matter:

#1. Comment number one occurred during an untimely phone conversation with an out-of-town fellow whom I know - in the biblical sense. As I was negotiating a tense Lego altercation between my four year old and his two-and-a-half year old nemesis, B.D.’s (this is what we’ll call him for now; more on his name later) name popped up on my phone. Normally I wouldn’t answer such a call, but as I am assisting B.D. in housing options for his relocation to my neighborhood (nothing to do with me, trust me, his best friend lives nearby), I felt compelled to answer. Midway through the call, things were heating up with the Legos, and I excused myself and gently masterminded a truce between the preschoolers. B.D. said, “Wow. You handled that so beautifully. I love the way you talked to them.” I laughed, as most mothers know, we don’t have enough fingers to count on for the dozens of fires we put out on a daily basis. He continued, “You are such a good mother.”

OUCH! There it is. And, coming from a man who had a vasectomy at twenty years old!

#2. Comment number two occurred during a discussion with JRS (for his sake, a pure acronym) about whose house was better to spend a deliciously carnal, insatiable evening at - JRS’s or mine. Always the gentleman, JRS decided he would drive the 5 miles to my home. And then blurted out, “but your house is covered with kid things; there are things everywhere!”

OUCH! There it is again. I even refrained from stating the obvious: that’s because two kids do live here!

Ironically enough, both B.D. and JRS share other commonalities besides the pleasures of my body: they don’t want children sprung from their own seeds and neither have a mom around. So, are they merely admirers of my innate maternal drive, just sampling my offerings, or is there something deeper they are reaching for and even they don’t know it? Like an archaeologist on a prescribed dig who comes across the unexpected – the oyster – lying there in the dirt and doesn’t quite know what to do with it but knows it must be coveted, cared for before its rightful place is found.

For the most part, B.D. and JRS have afforded me an exquisite escape from motherhood. I truly do not think about my children when in their presence. The decades seem to drop away, inch by inch my body morphs into a pubescent version of my womanly frame, my nearly flat stomach feels more taut, my arms and thighs naturally toned from years of child-towing, my energy brimming and alive as it must maintain a child’s frenetic pace. This is my new glow, my freedom glow, and I intend to let it shine for a long time.

Hosted by Matt Seigel and Billy Costa from Kiss 108 and life coach and radio host Mel Robbins, and held at the beautiful Bentley dealership in Wayland, MA, the night featured a top to bottom makeover won by the woman who sent in the most deserving story. Enter Kim Herter, “so naturally beautiful… just needing a little “pick-me-up.” says In Full Force’s Shannon Emerson. “After speaking with her I knew that with her vibrant personality and willingness to turn herself completely over to expert hands she was the one.”

On May 1, 2008, the marketing and events company In Full Force staged a fabulous night of socializing, shopping and sipping, to benefit the local charity Strong Women Strong Girls.

Hosted by Matt Seigel and Billy Costa from Kiss 108 and life coach and radio host Mel Robbins, and held at the beautiful Bentley dealership in Wayland, MA, “Fabulous West of Boston” featured a top to bottom makeover won by the woman who sent in the most deserving story. Enter Kim Herter, “so naturally beautiful… just needing a little “pick-me-up.” says In Full Force’s Shannon Emerson. “After speaking with her I knew that with her vibrant personality and willingness to turn herself completely over to expert hands - that she was the one.”

Here Kim Herter spills all the dirt about her experience and shares how fabulous it feels to take care of herself for a change.

I live in Ashland with my husband, 2 children, and a Siberian Husky named, of course, Nanook. My son is four and my daughter is five months. I work full time as a Director in the Information Technology department at The Hartford in the Back Bay, which means a 45-minute commute each way. And I turned 40 at the end of last year. So, my days are crazy at work, and nights and weekends are split between spending time with the family and the usual household chores. Like most working moms, I don’t have much time or energy for pampering myself. I certainly am not complaining, as all aspects of my life are very full and rewarding - the kids make me laugh and smile all day long! But when the opportunity for a makeover came up, it sounded like the perfect thing to re-energize myself! So, I canceled my appointment for the grey/roots hair color touch up with my usual stylist, and set off for a whole new look!

The Clothes - Lyn Evans for Potpourri Designs
I was most excited about this aspect of the makeover before it all started, as I’m a fan of TLC’s “What Not to Wear.” Everyone at Potpourri Designs was great to work with, and really excited to help me with the makeover. Cindy had gotten a bit of background information and had one outfit ready. Even though I tried on what seemed like dozens of outfits, her first selection was the one! I did take advantage of her expertise and invest in a great new dress (now my husband needs to take me out for a nice anniversary dinner – 10 years), a great fitting pair of jeans (Cindy looked at me for 30 seconds and picked out a great fitting pair in the right size. She is so good at her job!), and a new outfit that is good for work or evenings, with pieces that can be broken up.

My biggest wardrobe ‘issues’ (other than not finding the time to shop for myself) are finding things that fit and a suffering lack of pizzazz. I tend toward blacks and neutrals. Regarding fit, Cindy helped me find flattering pants, pointed out that I was picking a size too big (most of the baby weight is gone but I still feel self conscious) and that some items that were too matronly (40 is the new 30, right?!?).

Regarding color, it’s great to have the basics in neutral colors, then jazz them up with just one bright piece – a hot pink tank top under a jacket or colorful bag. It did make such a difference! She also picked pieces in neutral colors with other ‘visual’ interest like big buttons or a bow. I though I was going to need to start ‘accessorizing’ more, which I was apprehensive about - that can get expensive, plus my 6-month old loves to pull earrings and necklaces.  Cindy showed me how I can get a polished look with well fitting items and just a bold pop of color, not added fussy ‘stuff’.

The Hair - Moodz Spa and Salon
Love it love it love it!  That sums it up!

I’ve gotten so many compliments on the new do.  It is so versatile - Maria really understood that I need something that I can ‘do’ in the morning in 4 minutes or less, but still looks professional.

The Face - Moodz Spa and Salon
Make is not my thing, I was least excited about this part - I was afraid that I’d look too made up. Although there was a part of me that was curious about what I’d learn, to see if I had been using the appropriate shades for me.

Meredith at Moodz was terrific! We took a few minutes to discuss my ‘routine’ and she did my makeup very light and natural looking. I was happy to know I’ve been using good colors for my eyes. For my lips, I’ve never worn lipstick because I feel like it makes my mouth look too prominent. Meredith used a pink-brown color gloss (instead of the berry shades I’ve always tried) and it looked great!

Two other things I learned – there is something called a primer (my husband gets a kick out of this for some reason), and it has helped keep my eye makeup from creasing! Also, I did not know that waterproof mascara was damaging and contains tar. So I’m saving my waterproof for weddings & funerals from now on.

The Day to Day Life - Mel Robbins, Life Coach
Well, she won me over!  I didn’t really know what to expect talking with a life coach, especially because I am very content with my family and my career.  Again, maybe I watch too much TV, but I was afraid it would feel like a therapy session, with her asking endless probing questions (Why do you feel that way?  How did you think they would react?  What do you think you should do?)

I could not have been more off base. She is so down to earth, practical and realistic. She asked just a few probing questions, and offered concrete suggestions, many based on her own experiences (which she was very open in sharing). She helped me take a step back and consider different perspectives on the issues we discussed. Some of it was common sense, but so often it takes someone else to look at the big picture regarding a situation, remove the emotion and bias, and apply reason and logic. She is really fantastic, and I hope her life coaching really takes off, because I think she can help a lot of people...even those of us who don’t realize the additional potential to improve our own lives until we talk with her!

The Resume - Mom Corps
I thought this would be the least useful part of the fab makeover package.  I’ve been working in the same place for 11 years and am happy with my career and current job.  Earlier this year, our group was bought out by the Hartford, and there will be many exciting opportunities to come from this change.  So, I have no need to update my resume, or so I thought.  Working with Judy Simmons has been a much more rigorous yet enlightening experience than I anticipated.  Her questions gave me the opportunity to really think about what I am doing now, and what I want to be doing in the future.  It forced me to at least look at ‘what else is out there’ and how well my long term goals and current career path are aligned.  I’ve also had to think about my accomplishments as an outsider would see them, which I know realize will be equally important in garnering a reputation within the new organization.

The Room - Decorate to Sell, LLC
Margaret could not have been better to work with. She is so positive and enthusiastic (and even patient when Luke, my 4-year old, wanted to show her his room too). I was a bit nervous after our initial consultation that the makeover would be just rearranging furniture and pulling stuff from other rooms to look different. (Maybe I watched Hildy too many times on Trading Spaces).

We chose the bedroom, and she did end up moving, rearranging and pulling some items from other rooms, but it doesn’t just look different, it looks BETTER! She did bring in a few new things, but also focused on arranging things in pairs (the bedroom of a married couple, after all, is all about the pair) and improving the aesthetics (some concepts based loosely on feng shui, if I recall correctly). I’m not much of a knick knack person (who has time to dust more stuff?), and was happy that she realized that and only added a few candles, a plant (actually, a very realistic silk orchid… what a statement it makes, and I don’t need to remember to water it), and runners on the nightstand and tables (less dusting, not more...great trick!)

She and her crew gave me an added bonus of doing the master bath too...mostly moving some items for better balance and of course a few candles and bath products around the jacuzzi tub. Now it feels more relaxing than just functional.

The only unexpected thing (a wonderful result, if you ask my husband) is that this adventure cost us some money, as we went out and bought a new flat screen TV...the old one was so big & bulky it limited our design options. I could have spent that $$ adding to my wardrobe now that I have Cindy at Lyn Evans Potpourri Designs to help me shop!

.... The New and Improved Kim

More Pictures from the Fabulous In Full Force West of Boston event, including shots from the rocking Misstropolis Lounge!

In Full Force’s Make Over Magicians:

Lyn Evans for Potpourri Designs
Lyn Evans for Potpourri Designs has 7 locations with 2 being in the suburbs West of Boston. Kim visited the Wellesley store to learn how to dress for her body type and lifestyle. Little did she know she was going to meet Wellesley’s version of Stacey London from TLC’s What Not To Wear. Enter Cindy Swiman, a woman who can dress any woman for any event. Cindy encouraged Kim to try new styles, add color and pattern into her closet and not be afraid to have a skirt go above the knee. Cindy stressed the importance of shopping for “pieces” and not “outfits.” Kim left feeling (and looking) like a million bucks!

Moodz Spa & Salon
Kim got her hair done by Maria Donovan at the MOODZ location in Wayland. Maria felt that Kim’s hair was overpowering her so she took off some inches, re-shaped the front to show off Kim’s jawline and thinned it a bit for better movement. Maria let Kim know that your hair needs to compliment your face shape and made sure the final cut was something easily manageable for Kim’s busy life. Maria added some honey highlights to cover the dreaded roots and to soften her dark hair.

Kim had never had a make-up lesson so her consultation with MOODZ esthetician, Meredith Vernatter was highly anticipated! Meredith used Jane Iredale Mineral makeup which are known for their all powder foundations have built in SPF 20. Meredith let Kim know that mineral cosmetics are actually good for your skin - non-comedogenic, which means they will never clog skin and anti-inflammatory which means they provide coverage for skin conditions like acne, rosacea and redness following treatments like chemical peels and laser resurfacing.
http://www.moodzspa.com

Mel Robbins
Life coach Mel Robbins is the host of the syndicated radio show “Make It Happen With Mel Robbins” which airs from 1-3pm daily. She also hosts a filmed celebrity interview series for Borders. Recent guests on the show include Barbara Walters, Dr. Oz + Dr. Roizen, Donald Trump, Mandy Moore, and Bill Cosby.
http://www.melrobbins.com

Mom Corps
Mom Corps is the expert in the flexible employment market. Mom Corps provides companies direct access to a previously untapped market segment of exceptional talent - professionals who have opted out of the traditional workplace; and enables professionals to work in their respective fields, while simultaneously meeting familial needs and responsibilities.
http://www.momcorps.com

Decorate to Sell, LLC
Decorate To Sell - Renewing your home with Color & Redesign.
New England’s Premier Redesign & Staging firm has worked with hundreds of homeowners and thousands of properties.  Margaret Innis and the Decorate To Sell team look forward to renewing your space with color and redesign.  Decorate To Sell helps you go home to the space you always wanted!
Margaret Innis, Owner & Trainer
Decorate To Sell, LLC
Why be “For Sale” when you can be “SOLD!"™
Redesign ~ Staging ~ Color ~ Training!
Dewey Color Consultant and Instructor
ASP-Master, IRIS-CIR & CISS, IDS/SDP, ADE, IAHSP
Member of RESN - The Real Estate Staging & Color Network™
Toll Free:  1-888-656-RESN http://www.DecToSell.com

"The statuesque form and elegant plumage of the Great Blue Heron make this one of nature’s finest achievements. It is not surprising that its Asian relatives have figured prominently in Chinese and Japanese art for centuries. While the sight of the Great Blue Heron in motionless contemplation of a potential meal or sailing majestically across a vast salt marsh is always a rare treat, the species is presently becoming more common in New England.” (MA Audubon Society).

My wife and I went looking for Blue Herons this weekend - we had heard about the three big nests on MA Rt. 16 near the Sherborn/Natick line, so I took some photos, and then we went to the Broadmoor Wildlife Sanctuary right down the road, to see them in their natural habitat.

The nests are easy to see from Rt. 16 going west just after Windy Lo. They are perched at the top of three trees where all the trees are dead in the wetlands, so the nests are very easy to see. Just be very careful driving there - there’s not much room for rubber-necking or to pull over.

The Great Blue is one of the more common Herons and will nest near open water in colonies, called rookeries, of up to 100 birds. According to MA Audubon, Great Blue Herons have become much more prevalent in Massachusetts in recent years - a 1996 survey conducted by the MA Division of Fisheries and Wildlife found over 700 active nests at 63 sites throughout the state. They sometimes stay year-round here in Eastern MA and they migrate from other parts of the state during the fall and winter to find food.

I wouldn’t exactly call our adventure with the Herons relaxing - it was more the thrill of the hunt with a different kind of gun. I have a new lens, a Canon EF 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6L IS USM lens with extremely good optics and I used a monopod for steadiness.

The Blue Heron was very comfortable in its habitat and didn’t appear to notice the other four or five people or us on the boardwalk overlooking the pond. It was more interested in catching a meal, which would have been fun to catch on camera, but didn’t happen while we were there.

The Red-winged Blackbird was having fun dive-bombing the Heron over and over, but the Great Blue paid no attention. I was told by some other bird watchers (professionals, I’m sure, compared to us) that the shot of the bird in the sky was a Green Heron, a much smaller bird of Massachusetts. We could discern a slight reddish/orange tint to the feet (tucked straight back when they fly) which fit the description given in our bird book.

See the Herons and a lot of other beautiful birds at the
Broadmoor Wildlife Sanctuary. Broadmoor is also hosting a Father’s Day Weekend Canoe and Breakfast. Check the website for more information.

Broadmoor Wildlife Sanctuary
An Audubon Society nature preserve with nine miles of walking trails guide through field, woodland, and wetland habitats. A quarter-mile, handicap accessible trail and boardwalk along the bank of Indian Brook and over the marsh are great for walking, birdwatching, photography and sketching. Bring your kids and look for wood ducks and signs of beavers and otters from the 110-foot-long bridge.

Broadmoor
280 Eliot Street
Natick, MA 01760
508-655-2296
broadmoor@massaudubon.org

My house sits on 0.08 acres of land. My backyard lies 20 feet from a double yellow line. My son is an infant and I work part-time. Yet the food-loving farmer within is calling me to the dirt, despite the barriers: I want to garden. I believe that gardening can save your life (and maybe everyone else’s, too).

Move and Save
Last Saturday, I began a summer fling (which I hope will become a long-term relationship) with the northern corner of my back yard. My husband had shoveled three yards of compost the previous Wednesday till 9:30pm so that I could wipe the hair out of my eyes, rake the dirt into neat mounds and dig holes for seed Saturday afternoon. Instead of going for a drive with the family or working on the computer, I worked the earth, and it felt good. (On Sunday, it felt sore.)

The USDA says the average adult needs 30 minutes of moderate physical activity a day; one hour of gardening burns over 250 calories. Working the land works the body, and it sure beats riding an exercise bike to nowhere. And it’s cheap – no membership, no out-of-the-way gym.

The seeds I had bought were also cheap. Ten packets – with perhaps 100 tiny seeds each – cost about $1.50 a pop. That’s $15 in seeds plus $100 for compost, supplies, etc. With luck, we’ll get a few months of vegetables (plus more, if I preserve them). Since I spend about $40 a week right now just on produce, that adds up to considerable savings. What to do with the extra money? Donate to the victims of the cyclone and earthquake, save towards a Prius, plant a tree.

Share
Towards evening, I dug a long furrow and dropped in small round and long, purplish potatoes that my husband’s friend had given us. She also gave us seed onions and her prized heirloom San Marzano tomato seeds that I’d been growing inside for the past few weeks (they sat on our radiators and I moved them from window to window as the sun moved around our house).

My neighbors walked by as I was digging. “Hello farmer!” they said. Earlier that week they had explained that the previous owner of the house, an older woman, had been a farmer in Italy before she moved here. Her garden produced cornucopias of produce each summer, and she often brought them bags of vegetables, my neighbor said with yearning eyes. “The site has good karma,” they said, and I felt the tide of good fellowship flowing through me, from shared seeds to shared tomatoes, peppers, and spinach, with enough rain, sun, and luck. If there’s enough, I’ll donate to local food banks. 

Local Nutrition
A few years ago I wrote an article on processed foods. Most everything in the supermarket, aside from items on the perimeter, has been highly processed – baked goods with 25 ingredients, dinners-in-a-box, canned vegetables. With added sodium, lower nutrient content (heat and leaching cause nutrient decline), and low-quality, almost nutrient-free, ingredients (most processed food is primarily composed of three things: refined grains, sugar, and oil), much of it is terrible for our health. Once you’ve gotten used to not eating it, I’ve found, eating too much makes you feel sick.

In the next few months I hope I can step off my back deck into my backyard produce section, pick a few leaves of lettuce, pull a radish, and snip some green onions for a salad instead of eating a can of peas or some white bread. Doing this saves gas, for both me and for the food: transporting tasteless tomatoes 3,000 miles from California instead of buying or growing them locally and in season sucks up a lot of expensive gas and pumps out global warming carbon dioxide.

Of course, not everyone has the space or conditions for a garden – I barely do. But you can create a garden anywhere the sun shines, with containers. Pots, barrels, bowls, trash bins, anything that holds dirt will work. Containers contain only the best soil, rarely have weeds, and can sit on the deck, stoop, or any strip of pavement. Tomatoes, especially cherry, do well, and herbs love the warmth of a clay pot. Lettuce, peppers, cucumbers, and green beans also work – the larger the container, the more they thrive.

A collection of containers bursting with green feeds not only the stomach, but also the soul, of you and all who see (eat) it. 

We are proud to be supporting another phenomenal event, Detours & OnRamps, for women who are currently working or women who are considering going back to work. Be there at Bentley College this Thursday, May 15.

Over the last year, Misstropolis has heard from countless women that anything geared toward achieving (ok, attempting!) a work/life balance is atop their personal “Don’t Miss” list. We have been working hard to establish relationships with companies like MomCorps and Ladies Who Launch and sponsoring events like the In Full Force event and the Mom Corps networking breakfast in order to respond to that feedback.

We are proud to be supporting another phenomenal event for women who are currently working or women who are considering going back to work, taking place at Bentley College this Thursday, May 15.

Detours & OnRamps, is an all day event focused on the unique challenges and benefits that face such women.

“Through networking with fellow working mothers, discussions with the companies leading the way in solutions for working mothers, and panels and sessions on some of the most common issues faced by mothers who elect to work outside the home, Detours and On Ramps aims to provide a forum for women to meet, examine their options, and figure out their next steps. With career resources and expert advice offered through panel discussions, small-group sessions, and networking opportunities, the hope is that mothers will leave the Detours and On Ramps Forum feeling more in control of their choices and options - and reassured that as intelligent, educated women, their contributions still matter.” Here here.

As a Misstropolis member, you will receive a $25 discount off of the $125 registration fee (which covers the days sessions, meals, and a great “Goody Bag” of books, magazines, discounts, and more). Just enter MISSTROPOLIS on the registration page where it asks “Where did you hear about us?” and a $25 credit will be issued within a day of registration.

Detours and OnRamps is designed for anyone considering going back to work after time spent off with children (or parents), people in search of support balancing work and home and anyone interested in proactively planning for a career after kids. Sessions will cover financial considerations, options for entrepreneurship, practical ideas for “onramping” and making a career work for you (and your family)...and more.

We are especially excited about this event because it is being hosted by an important women’s group in the Boston Area, The Women’s Leadership Institute at Bentley College. The Women’s Leadership Institute is designed “to promote the advancement of women through all aspects of career transition.” The Detours and OnRamps event will, in addition to everything else, give women who attend a chance to learn more about this incredible local resource.

Here’s a breakdown of the day’s schedule, the speakers and what to look forward to.

8:30 - 9:15. Opening Keynote
Introduction by Meghan McCartan, Founder/Managing Partner and Welcome by Sheila Moeschen, Bentley Women’s Leadership Institute
Opening Keynote Speaker - Sheila Marcelo, Founder & CEO of Care.com.

9:30 - 10:15. Breakout Sessions: Choose One of Two

Jobs on Your Terms: A number of recruiters have taken on the cause of finding great jobs that work for moms... moderated by Career coach Andrea St Jean.
This panel features Jane Seibel, CEO of Employmoms, Allison O’Kelly, the founder and CEO of MomCorps, and Melissa Sharples from Aquent.

Educational Panel: The Options Out There for Career Changers and Relaunchers
Dawna Lawson of MIT, Dr. Marianne DelPo Kulow of Bentley College, Pam Jensen of The Tuck School at Dartmouth and Diane Ranaldi of Baypath College.

10:20-11:10. Breakout Sessions: Choose One of Two

New Definitions of Success
Featuring Angela Pandolfo Roy, G. Xavier Robillard of Offsprung.com and Dr. Maureen O’Brien of Destination Parenting

Entrepreneurship/Running Your Own Show
Moderated by Brenda Stanton, the Boston co-leader of “Ladies Who Launch”.
Featuring Edee Simon Israel of The Worth Collection Limited, Ellen Palmer of Spoil Me Spa, Johanna McChesney of Isis Maternity, Nataly Kogan of Work It Mom and Kathryn L. Maffei, CFP, Financial Advisor, LPL.

11:15-12:15 - Practical Solutions for Relaunching Success
A discussion with Carol Fishman Cohen, co-author of “Back on the Career Track.”

12:30-1:15. Lunch
The Worth Collection, Limited, one of the event sponsors, will share ideas on key wardrobe pieces for onramping moms.

1:15 - 2:00. Breakout Sessions: Choose One of Two

Taking a Break from Your Job? Ten Steps to Take Before You Leave
Featuring Tacy Paul Roby of Calvert Investments, Nancy L. Olt, JD, MBA and Heidi Hanson, CFP

Entrepreneurship/Running Your Own Show
Moderated by Meryl Kessler, Hybrid Mom. Panelists include Edee Simon Israel of The Worth Collection, LTD, Linda Kagan, Forms4Parents.com, Christine Koh of Boston Mamas, Roberta O’Neill of Tatutina.com and Laura Tomasetti of 360 Public Relations.

2:00 - 3:00 pm - The Employment Landscape
Moderated by Jennifer Fraone of the Boston College Work and Family Roundtable. Denise Squillante, an attorney who works with the Massachusetts Bar Association, will discuss what law firms are doing to retain top female talent, Carey Hoch, one of the top female portfolio managers in the country, will discuss opportunities in the financial industry, Rhaea Photopolous will discuss ways to achieve “balance” in the medical profession, Gwen Acton will cover Science and Technolgy, Melissa Palmer, from Pricewaterhouse Coopers, will discuss balance as a part of a consulting career.